Arch~Angel

End?

2008-05-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

Been sometime since the last post.
This blog shall be closed for nw.
I have learn to move on. Or is it juz my own side of thinking.
Dont know, dont bother, dont care...

Gotta focus on my studies for nw.
Tml will be a better day.

Random Entry

2008-04-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Skool out... Exam over... Nt sure if i did well. Complete 2qns with error and another 2 partially completed qns outta a total of 5. Mind is blank. The dae b4 exam been tinking of my ex. Nw exam over i got nthing else to focus on. Day and nite tinking of ways to win her back. Damn ran outta brocollie todae. Took plain chicken breast meat for lunch and an egg sandwich for snack. Did my usually workout. Feel kinda great. Pondering to hit the gym tml or head down town and experience some town life. Been cooping up in my skool and room everydae for the past few mths. There is nting interesting out there. Plucker up the courage to msn my ex todae. Wanted to let her kw hw i still feel abt her. But in the end i did nt. She had past her bed time and need her sleep. Well guess i gotta find another chance to let her kw. I am pretty determine to win her bac to my side.

Yet another entry

2008-04-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Juz a quick update for myself. Current time: 1.45pm. Sunny day i might say. A good day to head out for the outdoors. But typical lifestyle here would be the paper chase and making ends meets. Another 3hrs time would be 5pm. I would be heading for a quick shower b4 making my way to skool for my final Exam. Tat would be the last paper for tis trimester. wootz...

Beside formulars and equations running through my head. I been tinking bout her yet again. The urge to win her heart back is growing. She ish nt the perfect girl. She ish nt someone easy to live with. But it seems to mi that she ish someone i cant live without. Time flies. Been bout 9mths since we parted. The mental torture sometime ish a bit unbearable. I am nt sure if i am falling into depression or need some kinda psychological help. Nthing seems to work for mi. Or maybe i juz refuse to acknowledge people advice to move on. I am able to acquire lots of things nw since i have no 1 to spend my time and money on. But it seems that i am nt happy after all. Wats the point of accomplishing something great when there is no 1 to share the joy with. Wats the point of having a new gadget when there is no 1 to share it with. I'm nt sure if ani one of my circle of fren are reading tis but heck is juz for mi to rant out. at least i feel better after tis. Sometimes i juz need someone to talk to.

Dont be envious be motivated...
Pressing on each day...

Emo

2008-04-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

Back to rant...
Guess there are plenty of pretty girls out there. But the problem lies with mi.
Fast food and Junk food are bad for the body but people still have them. Juz like people who still love the person who hurt them the most. I was never so hurt emotionally and time have yet to heal the wounds. Looked upon my ex friendster n saw her new bf. Kinda look like fark. Kinda feel like pounding some1. Damn... I cant relief my rage on irons due to the fact tat i am having my exam. Juz done with 1 todae. Got another coming tis monday. Damn uni studies. They teach at such a fast pace and test a whole lot of knowledge. I have been slacking on my training. My guns seems a lil smaller den usual. Tricep still visable. Abs are being less visable. My reason i am lazy. Exam is nt an excuse. I got 8hrs of sleep and time to blog and visit forums and yet i forgo my training. My chipup bar ish suppose to arriving in approx 2weeks time. shipping it from somewhere. Once exam over gotta find some time to meet up with my sec skool bro. Bro forever. Once a bad boy. Bad boys forever... Kinda like the 3 of us nv grew bored of each other. Gotta treat my good fren aka sister for a belated bdae. Been looking at every1 happily attached. Nw daes my life ish juz like the rotating planet, a pendulum, a clockwork. i studie for the sake for my future. Ya rite... Spurge a thousand plus last mth during the IT show. Got a laptop and someother stuff. But the joy is nt there. I have made plan to get a DSLR. But again if the joy is nt there i dont tink i will be in the mood to take pictures.

God if u exist pls help mi. And i kw u exist so pls do something.

Juz another entry

2008-04-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Kinda long since i last blogged. Many things have changed budden certain things have not changed yet. Price of rice have risen, time have passed and mas had escaped from the detention center. There is yet so mani uncertainty and so many wat if. I have attain a certain fitness level. Lost a total of 10kg in weight and gain on lean muscle mass. Met new girls ard. They seem so sweet but the fact ish tat i still tink about my ex nw n den. Tot of getting back are still constantly in my mind. But for time being to concentrate for my final exam for this trimester. The Canon EOS 450D XSi is out. Cant wait to get my hands on it. Hopefully the joy and love for photography can bring my mind away from the past.

Valentine Day...

2008-02-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

The day have arrived. I have a date but is with a textbook. Someone tried to ask mi out. Budden it seems like a joke or for fun. Budden i am nt interested. So better dont give false hope to others. I would rather spend my time studying for my exam. I have yet to speak to my ex. Tink she have been avoiding mi. I chatted with her over msn the other day. Initially was pretty friendly. She told mi about her wanting to fix a new computer. I offer to help and i found out the computer was mend to play DOTA. Previously when we were together we had arguments over tis game. DOta was introduced to my during my army days. During the weekly stay- in camp. We would have nights out for us to enjoy ourself. My fren brought mi to a near by LAN game shop and i started to love the game. The prob arise tat i would call my ex daily. So it juz occur that while i was still playing she called. Thus she was unhappy tat i was playin games instead of waiting for her call. I did let both my ex and my frens down. There was once she called while i was in the middle of the game. i left the LAN shop and answer my call. She knew tat i was gaming and decided to ignore mi and hung up on me. Repeated calls back did nt receive ani reply. When i went back to my frens. They lost the game and were cursing and swearing. And nw she is actually building a RIG to play DOTA. WTF... When i question her about that. She game a faint remarks. I sense tat i hit the nail on her. I am still nt sure hw ish she doing. Qns on her current bf were nt answered. She juz say ok loh. Den she avoided mi and ended the converstaion.

My Spare time are nw focus on studying and visiting forum. Everywhere ish about valentine day. Forum have thread posting bout their v.day present for their special someone. I doubt i will step outta my house tml. Hate to see all the lovey dovey all around. How i long to be rip off on the very day.

Expensive restaurant treat, Special present and flower. The smile on the face of the special someone whom u love.

PRICELESS...

Happy valentine day to everyone out there.

I Lied...

2008-02-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

ok guys. I lied to u all. I lied to the whole world. I have yet to get over my ex. I am pondering to send her this msg vie ecard. Feeling kinda vex nw.

Hey I hope you take sometime to read through the message.

It had been about 7mths since we have gone on our separate ways. We seldom talk and have yet to meet during this period of time. I not sure how are you doing but life could be better for me. I regret losing my cool the very day I asked you that you still love me. That was when you started to ponder over the words I said. When we were together I had indeed taken many things for granted. Life would be much more beautiful with someone like you. The happy moments we share were lost in such a brief period of time. I have yet to truly understand the reason behind the breakup. I felt that the reason was indeed important. Yes, at least to me. You might think that I am being childish. But I have really yet to get over you. I have dreams constantly about you getting back with me. But each day I wake up feeling disappointed knowing it was not true. The breakup indeed awaken me to take notice about things around me. My studies and myself. But last but not least, it really let me know what life is about without the person you love. I would be lying if I said that I am happy that you have found someone new. But I would like to let you know that you can always count on me in future as a friend regardless if I am attached or single. That’s because you have made a difference in an important part of my life.

For the first time, I am looking in your eyes.
For the first time, I am seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much I see, when you're looking back at me.
Nw i understand what love is... Love is... For the first time...

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY Andrea :)

From:
Dan

Sleepless nite...

2008-01-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

Its nw 2.40am. Class todae sux to the core. The leacturer cant explain the lesson clearly. To top it off. Qns post to him were not answered directly. He prob gotta go back and think it throuhg b4 answering us. Well he got a degree onli. Nt a Master or PhD. And he is teaching a bunch of future degree students. Another day past. New girls met in skool. Diff course though. Nt sure from where. Budden nv bother to say hi either. Afraid of getting hurt again. Feeling is not there. There is a thin line btw love and lust. Someone once said. Lust at 1st sight. Love a lifetime. Well 1st impression does bring a huge step forward. Doesnt it. Den love will slowly blossom. I am afraid to go to bed. I am afraid i might have the same dream of mi getting back with my ex. Cos when i wake up. I have to face reality that i am alone and she is in the arms of someone else. Why did adam and eve gotta eat the forbidden fruit. Juz took out some of the old stuff that my ex return mi. Kinda sad. I kw i am nt suppose to look at them as it might sink mi deeper. The anniversary give that i gave her. The gift that she send mi. The wonderful photographic memories. Guess i better sign off...

For the first time, i am looking in your eyes.
For the first time, i am seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much i see, when you're lookng back at me.
Nw i understand what love is... Love is... For the first time...

Back to reality

2008-01-22T22:20:00.000-08:00

It's 2.20pm nw. Another hr or so b4 i start my routine training. Will train on my core muscle for a hr b4 taking a bath and head towards my skool. As usualy MEch class. Expected to be boring due to the boring lecturer. He juz cant cut to the point and explain. Rather his teaching method is idiot proof. So for smart ass, they tend to lost interest and doze off due to the simplicity of his explanation. The mind ish nt working in this kinda learning. I admit i am one of the dozing being. Finishing up my ODE chapter 5 math assignment. In about another 8days will be the test. Darn...

Anyway talk to a close female fren of mine. I asked for advice budden i got non. Reason being love is something hard to advice on. No1 can advice mi on wat to do. Den came the qns. I ask her. Why did she break up with her ex. SHe got her fair share of her reasoning. Budden something struck mi. SHe also lost the feeling for ex. Thus her tinking was, when there is no love and feeling why stay tgt. That opened up my mind. Is tis wat girls usually do. When they lost the feeling and love they will move on. No wonder the divorce cases are on the rise all this years. People are not committed as in the past. There is a chinese saying " Bu Zhai Hu Tian Chang Di Jiu, Zhi Zhai Hu Cheng Jing Yong You". Meaning forget about everlasting, Be content with wat u ever had. Budden imho, if onli people can have everlasting love and also be happy with watever they have presently, it would be perfect.

The next thing tat struck mi was, Would i ever find another girl who tinking is different from my close fren. To tink of it. I am nt sure if my ex tinking was the same. She once told mi when she broke off with mi. She loves mi less den i love her. That why she feel that it is being unfair to me. I deserve someone better. On the other hand. Other remarks i heard ard was that. I did nt give enuf freedom and understanding. She wanna be alone. Budden it contradict her words. Cos she is attach nw. I use the term she broke off. Cos i nv wanted a break. A cool off time was actually in place. Budden she block off all contact for the next few mths. Till the day she is attached den she start to talk to me.

The million dollar question. Do girls break off when they lost the feeling. Dont they rmb the past. the fond memories and the beautiful moments couples once shared. I am skeptical about another r/s and my future. If woman break off once they have no feeling. There is no promise that even once married they stay with u forever.

Juz like i vow to my ex b4. I would nv leave her. It is so true there are plenty of pretty girls out there. I dont deny sneaking a peek once in a while. But never had i been unfaithful. She too promise to love mi and stay faithful. Plans for our future were talked about. But all has ended...

* tots for the day... Back to Math

Bored...

2008-01-22T00:18:00.000-08:00

Its 4pm currently. I have yet to start my revision. Having a test in 10days time. Got no mood to concentrate on my studies. I have been pondering over and over. Shld i msg my ex. Shld i talk to her bout hw we ended. Shld i go break her up with her current bf. Come to tink of it. Why did she nt place her bf pic over frenster. I wonder. Maybe by nt doing it make me feel better. I cant imagine if she posted that guy pic there. Blood flows through my veins. I feel like beating someone up. Budden it have been a long time since i lost my temper. I am a rather forget it kinda guy. I hope i dont get to meet them in town. Cos if a fight breaks out, i am bound to break some rips. Beside studying the next time i could do is lift weights. Life is so boring. I am wondering wat else can i do. There is no 1 to show some care and concern to. There is no 1 to reciprocate it back to mi. Valentines Day is approaching. Most guys are complaining the expensive flowers and date they gonna go through. Budden wats spending the lil $ for the person who u love the most. Everyday was once valentines day to mi. Nw everyday seem to be like the end of the world. Guess i have rant enuf. Time to get back to reality. I still got a degree to work towards to. May god bring the special someone to me. Signing off...

*Baby i still love u. No matter hw much u hurt mi. I cant bear to let u go.

wat is love?

2008-01-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

People says that loves is blind. I so agree. I was once blind by love. Budden to be given a 2nd chance. I dont mind getting blind. Cos u have the person who you love the most beside you. Everything would beautiful even though you live in a world of darkness. Friday the 13th of July 2007. It has been 193 days since she left mi. That was a friday the 13th. Damn it. I been reading a lot. I read through a horoscope book that says my zodiac sign was a bad 1 this year. A r/s is bound to fail. It came so true. Sight...

University Study have been tough. My time and effort is all put into it. Sleepless nite is still on going. But i have been dreaming about us getting back together. My frens says that i am dumb and shld move on with my life. But guess tis time i haven sunken too deep. I admit i am a perfectionist. I put in 101% in everthing i do. I am a "garang" commander during my national service. I recommend extras duties to people who dont meet my standard. Budden when it come to my gf. I give watever i could. Be it time, money, love and support. I might say i am much richer nw. But i rather be poorer. I place her top, follow with my family, commitments and lastly myself. I am always at the bottom. I am nt sure if people notice. Budden i kw i am always lossing out. I rather people short change mi den take an advantage of them. Come to tink of it. Kinda weak mentally.

My studie is giving mi lots of stress. My dreams are adding to it. Why did this happen. I rather armagaddom arrive. Wipe everything out. Life still goes one nw. But how long can it last. I wonder. There is a cute girl msn-ing mi recently. She ask mi out to my surprise. Budden i wonder if i am blocking her out. I seem to be using her to forget my ex by chatting with her. Budden i am skeptical bout going out with her. I dont wanna get into another r/s when i am still longing for my ex. I dont wanna cheat the feeling of another individual. I kw the feeling of being hurt and it sux. If onli i could turn back time.

Kinda guess i will juz let time tells. Signing off.

Ranting...

2007-12-23T23:05:00.000-08:00

I shall start blogging about my r/s.

I cant seem to sleep properly @ nite. Been staying up late to tired out myself so that i can sleep peacefully. Dream have been constantly bout my ex. I kinda think i love her too deeply to forget her. As people have said. Wat u wish/dream in the day, u will dream at nite. Trying to busy myself to stop tinking bout her. Budden the dreams keep coming back.

It has been 5mths plus since my 1st r/s was ended. Kinda hurt very deeply budden i got no other choice. I still remembered that it was the friday the 13th. Kinda unlucky day i might say. I would have guessed it. Budden the unavoidable day arrived n i have to face the music.

How did it happen? i have no idea. I spend all my time, love n everything...

I was a senior at a skool. She was a freshman. We met @ an orientation camp. At that time i was nursing a rejection from someone. A simple bus ride home brought us closer to each other. I prefer a bus ride hm as opps to a train ride. My ex was also taking the same bus. Soon i notice her more n more as skool starts. She ask mi out for lunch. We enjoy each other company n the ride home on the bus. Her action towards mi shows tats she was interested in mi. That was when i realise that she might be the missing part of my heart. I held her hand during one of the movie dates n she did nt let go. That was when out fairytale starts.

She was a young girl. Cute n innocent. As the year past, we had many fond memories tgt. She grown prettier n mature. I was so proud of her. Till the day came for mi to serve my national service. Without fail i nv fail to surprise her love n gifts. Watever she wanted that was within my means i would give her. Weekly dining at restaurants n movies. I cant sae i am totally supportive of all her activities. For example her wants to visit club. I nv reallie like those places. Budden nevertheless i would allow her to go with her frens.

Then came the day towards her 20th Bday. I have given her almost antihing i could think of. So i tot of giving her a surprise. A nicely tone body of her bf to show off. I work hard running n gyming everyday in my camp. Den came an unfortunate accident. I sprain my ankle. I have problem walking long distances. Budden i would still make time for my baby every weekend. As i cant walk ard for long period of time. Our weekly dates became mainly movies n dinner. Shopping was also an options. Everytime i juz smile at her enduring the pain as we stroll down shops after shops. During the donut craze. I remembered standing bout 3hrs inline with her juz so tat she could taste the donutz that she wanted. I grew fat of course, w/o exercice. My face grew kinda chubby. she commented that i was fat. It hurts mi deep. Cos i nv notice myself at all. All i kw was that my world revolves ard her. Definition of myself as fat is nt mose lim that size. Its unacceptable. I was juz nt lean with a round face n w/o my abs.

She completed her studie n started to work. I had my NS to service whice required some weekend duty. My onli time with my fren were limit to camp time. They brought mi out for a LAN gaming session. During our game, my ex called. I hung up on my group of frens to ans my fone. When my ex found out i was gaming instead of waitin her call she was pissed. She hung mi up n i was at a lost. When i rejoin my group of frens. I was given a cold shoulder. They have lost a match. Though it was juz a game. I haf deserted my frens over my ex. I have lost both my frens n ex by juz a fone call. Rude remarks n cursing was inevitable but i was the cause of it. It was a particular week. She started hinting bout our difference. I sense a breakup was coming up. We had our argument n stuff. Budden i suddenly brokedown. She said that we could find some professional help. I tot for a nite. Den i decided to iron our our diference. Budden she said she need sometime.

i booked in to camp that week. Her sms towards mi start to seems restless. I kw i need a break from work. Due to my special work in NS. i had tons of OFFs n leaves in stored. I took a 2weeks break immediately. As i waited n ponder, she ask to meet up with mi on a friday. She acted coldly towards mi. As i walk her back. She break the news to mi. SHe wanted a break. I expected it. I was fighting back my tears. Her reason was, she have no feeling for mi. All her actions the past few date were more of a "xi guan". I knew that watever i said would nt make a difference.

Move on and find another girl. Thats wat my fren have said. Budden by simply comparing the time we spent tgt. I cant understand why someone can have such a big change. I cant seem to bring myself to hate someone that i loved for bout 3yrs. So guess onli time and another special someone can bring myself outta tis misery. Till today my heart stil aches...

"It take a second to fall in love with someone"
"But it take a lifetime to forget that special one"